I promised you a part two to this post last week and I finally got around to writing it. Yay!. We already talked about the submissions process, our file management system, and the types of stories we receive over at the Goldfish. So today, we’re going to take a look at the types of submitters we encounter. Who submits stories to us? What do they do right? What do they do wrong?
It’s time to get real about the slush pile.
The vast majority of people who submit to us are awesome. Really, they’re a cool lot just looking to get their stories out there. I can totally relate! However, there’s always a few bad eggs in the crate. Or wait, is it carton? What the heck do eggs come in again? I’m having a brain fart. Maybe “bad eggs” is a bad metaphor.
What I’m trying to say is not everyone who submits to us has it all together. Maybe they’re new to the submissions process. Maybe they think they’re better than writer’s guidelines. Who knows? In general though (and I am being very, very general here), people who submit to our little magazine (and stand out for the wrong reasons) fall into these categories:
- The Rapid Fire – He sends a story. Not five minutes after a form rejection hits his inbox, he sends another story. And another. And another. Until we call the Rapid Fire maneuver, “Pulling a INSERT NAME OF SUBMITTER HERE.”
- The Beggar – She gets a form rejection and responds to it (mistake #1) asking for feedback on why the story was rejected (mistake #2). Listen, I know how hard it is to be rejected, but doing this will not cast you in a favorable light with any editor. I promise it’s not just use being big ‘ol meanies.
- The “I Don’t Care Who You Are” – This submitter can’t be bothered with learning our names. I’m actually cool with “Dear Editors” because there are two editors to address here at Goldfish Grimm. Even so, it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with a magazine’s site well enough that you locate (and know) the editors’ names. It shows us you care. And we’re very needy people.
- The Perpetual Confusion – Oh dear. This submitter is confused. Or maybe he or she just can’t be bothered to read the submission guidelines? Whatever the reason, the Perpetual Confusion sends in stories that are pasted into an email. They send us .docx files. They send stories outside of our word limits. Hell, they send us stories out of our genres. So confused!
- The Plot Pointer – This one really irks me. Sending along a summary of a short story seems counterintuitive. The whole point of a short story is that you can read it all in one sitting. Providing a summary removes all the lead up and suspense to the final page. Don’t do it!
- The Corporate Communicator – This submitter is professional as hell. She doesn’t just send in her short story (which, as her cover letter assures us, is of high quality), she sends in a résumé as well, listing out all of her credentials that in no way shape or form relate to being a short story writer. She also sends in a list of publication credits. Two or three would be fine here, but sending a list (mistake #1), as an attachment (mistake #2), that’s over two pages long (mistake #3) is just…no.
Have you ever found yourself in one of the above categories? Not to worry. Nearly every writer has at some point. But you can make a change. Be thorough when making your submissions. Be mindful. And most of all, respect that we editors are people, too.