“A Reason to Get Out of Bed” at Yahoo! Voices for Mother’s Day

I recently signed up to be a contributor over at Yahoo! and they post some very interesting assignments. These articles don’t pay (they’re performance-based, meaning I only get paid for how many times people click to read them) but that’s not the point. Rather, the prompts get my brain pumping. Recently, I claimed an assignment just in time for Mother’s Day: What does being a mom mean to me?

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This article, A Reason to Get Out of Bed, is what resulted. Go take a look and leave a comment there or here. I’d appreciate it. I know you’re probably all sick and tired of hearing how grateful I am for my little girl. But she’s changed me for the better in more ways than I can name. Truly, I am a better person right now than I was the day she was born and it’s only been 7 1/2 months. I already owe her a million things.

Besides. Look at her. She’s perfect.

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Dear September (Or, Now That You’re Five Months Old)

It’s your mom here. You don’t know me by that name yet. I don’t think you have any sort of name for me other than the outstretch of your arms, the grin on your face when you see me, and the furious way you stick out your tongue when you’re near my breasts. You know me as these things now at five months old. I know you by your brownish, blondish, reddish hair with the bald spot in the back. I know you by the way you grunt in your sleep and “eh, eh, eh” when you’re getting frustrated, or want to be held, or are getting hungry, or have a dirty diaper (or, or, or.) Funny. When I used dictation software to write and you make that “eh” sound, the computer writes it out as “or, or, or.”

I know you by your deep blue eyes and long lashes, a combination that is bound to make some boy or girl fall in love with you one day. I know that you like to nap without any pants on and that you’d much prefer to be hanging out in your diaper than deal with any pesky clothes. I know that you think it’s hilarious when Daddy runs your hand over his goatee and when I nibble your fingers and toes. You blow raspberries all day long and love the sound of your own voice, making new noises that test the range of your vocal abilities.

I know how warm you feel tucked in my arms. Already, you hang off my lap when I feed you. Just five months ago, the entirety of you fit on my lap, folded into the length of one arm. Now you’re big and getting bigger. I’m starting to understand how fast time rolls past us. While we’re caught up in the day-to-day struggles, trying to snatch as much sleep as we can, we forget to stop, breathe, and look. You’re growing up already. You’ll always be growing up. The thought of it fills me with pride and a bittersweet pang of letting go. One day. One day, I’ll have to let you go from my protective arms.

But not today. You are my sweet little baby. You’re perfect as all babies are perfect. You’re healthy and covered in rolls. Your thighs and neck are areas your dad and I love the most.

Most of all, you fill me with such joy. I want to hold you close and treasure you. Already, you want to get going. You want to explore. When you were born, you were pushing away from my chest, trying to lift your head. You were so strong. Still are. You’re trying to learn how to crawl now that rolling is no big deal. You want to move to everything you can, touch everything, put everything in your mouth. You’re my little explorer, fighting to capture the entire world all at once.

I’m just trying to keep up and trying not to let the damage of my past affect our future. I want to be a good mommy. I want to be someone you look up to, not run away from.

But those are concerns for another day. Today, I celebrate hugging you, kissing you, and discovering new ways to make you laugh and wave your arms in glee.

Love,

Mommy

New blog, new perspective

I realize it’s been forever and a day since I last posted here. Since my last post, I had a baby and I’m still struggling to find the right balance between taking care of her, getting work done, and pursuing my own creative endeavors. I’m not even going to pretend like I have it all figured out right now because I don’t. However, I am starting to feel a bit better about things now that the little one is over four months old. Getting past that newborn stage was rough but I think we’re all stronger for it now in the Barron household.

One thing that I am starting to do is pursue more personal writing. Yes, I have written about personal subjects here at The Inkwell, but there is a specific aspect of my life that never felt appropriate to discuss here. So, I’ve started a new blog to deal specifically with that topic. You can find it at There Was a Shopping Cart in My Bedroom. This blog goes into detail about my childhood and growing with hoarders. It will also cover some of the anxiety issues and other problems I face as result of my upbringing. At the moment, I anticipate to be posting more on that blog than here. However, I do have some new and exciting content lined up for The Inkwell as well. This has always been first and foremost a writing blog and I am endeavoring to keep it that way.

So, if you’d like to follow the more personal side of my life, feel free to leave a comment over there. I’d love to hear what you think about this new direction. I’m also considering writing some essays and trying to sell them to publications. I really don’t know why I didn’t feel like I could write openly about this subject before but I think having my daughter made something click in my brain and I’m feeling more confident about being myself. I think I owe that much to her.

The TARDIS Fetus – A Conversation

I had a midwife appointment yesterday, which I know sounds terribly exciting to you all. But that’s not the purpose of this post. Rather, it helps set the scene, the mood, if you will.

After learning all sorts of things about breaking waters, baby poop, and funduses (fundi?) we ate dinner at an awesome burger place because it was free burger night and seriously, who can pass up a freakin’ free burger?

So we’re eating and discussing our ultrasound appointment next week and how excited we are to find out if it’s a boy or girl. Of course the “anatomy scan” is done to make sure the baby is healthy, that it’s heart is doing okay, etc. The following conversation is what transpired:

Me: The scan will show how the baby’s heart is doing and stuff.

Matt: What if it has two hearts? OMG, what if it’s a Timelord?!

Me: That would be awesome.

Matt: I don’t know, it might be bad. Do you really want a Timelord in there?

Me: Yeah, you don’t want it regenerating. I mean, ouch.

Matt: Why would it need to regenerate in the womb?

Me: I don’t know. It might! Still, River Song was sort of a Timelord and she was birthed normally.

Matt: That’s true.

Me: So, it’d still be awesome.

Matt: Are we actually having this conversation?

As if there were every any doubt, we are such nerds.