Okay, it wasn’t really a realization; rather, something about the day jogged my memory. Matt and I went to Disneyland for my birthday. His dad used to work there and we had a pair of free tickets, which is awesome because oh my lord how can anyone afford $90-something a ticket?!
The sun beat down, burning our scalps. The line for the Dole Pineapple Whip Floats was longer than some rides. And still, these are not the things that brought me the greatest unease. Rather, it’s how much I despise people.
By the way, Matt agrees. He was totally with me on this and we plotted the murder of many park attendant on Saturday.*
Don’t get me wrong. I love certain people. Certain people are awesome. But people en mass? No thank you. I’ll take a raincheck. I’d rather stay inside and commune with the peoples via the Internets.
And people in crowds are even worse. They bunch up. They don’t keep to the right on walkways. They roll over your toes with strollers. They stop in the middle of a path so you nearly run into their backs. They’re oblivious and clueless and completely obnoxious.
Now, I realize this makes me sound like a terrible person, but if you only knew how many conversations we overheard that were so wrought with douchebaggery, the participants would have won awards for their stellar performances. Hipsters everywhere. Dudes wearing shorts with loafers. I’m telling you, the world was out to get us this weekend by sending minions of the Dark Lord Obnoxious.
Am I ornery? Perhaps. Generally irritable? Could be. But tell me, how would you feel if you overheard some girl saying, “I like how my hair feels,” while running her fingers through it or if you heard the same girl say, “God, I hate everybody wearing shorts right now,” in the most stereotypically valley girl voice ever. Or the group of hipsters behind us in a line that loved the sound of their own voices so much they should just marry them already.
Did I mention the dude wearing shorts and loafers?
I’m not bitter or anything. But damn. People are annoying.
*Not really. We’re not the murdery type. That would require entirely too much effort.